The parents alphabet
A is for Abs. Remember them?
B is for bottle or boobs. The thing one person will always have an opinion on.
C is for Calpol. Say no more.
D is for dreaming. Dreaming of a whole nights sleep.
E is for eyeballs. The thing your baby will love to poke first thing in the morning.
F is for farting. They do it a lot. They love fart noises.
G is for grandparents. Or life savers.
H is for hormones. The things that make you go from normal to bat shit crazy in 0.2 seconds.
I is for Iggle piggle. No avoiding that little blue bugger.
J is for jam. For when you pretend to feed them a healthy meal but sometimes jam on toast creeps in.
K is for kisses. The things that make it all worthwhile.
L is for lie ins. Just joking, wrong list.
M is for mama. You will hear that name in your dreams and sometimes nightmares.
N is for nightime. Something you didn’t realise was so precious, pre baby.
O is for olbas oil. That and snuffle rub. The signature scent of your baby.
P is for poo. Poomageddons. Poonamis. Your life is taken over by poo.
Q is for quaking. That thing you do when you hear them move or cough in the night.
R is for running after. The thing you will do a lot.
S is for soft play. The place where germs breed but your child can go crazy whilst you pretend to watch.
T is for teething. The reason why parents drink.
U is for using your clothes to wipe up snot.
V is for vagina. Poor poor vagina.
W is for wine. Your new best friend.
X is for xylophone. Anyone still own the stick?
Y is for yoghurts. The ssh pudding.
Z is for zombie. Not just for the walking dead.