Weaning club


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The first rule of weaning club is we don’t talk about weaning club….. wait wait wrong life.

I am a mum. All we talk about is weaning.

But there are 6 rules to this messy, disgusting club.

1) wear appropriate attire. I always like to dress like I am going to Alton Towers or making meth. I do not like to have pasta lobbed in my face and red handprints attacking my clean dress. (See above photo for recommended attire)

2) Remove all your carpets. Babies sense nice carpets and food mark them like a cat marking its territory. Just take them away and burn them. Either that or you will be covering your carpets with little rugs to hide the red sauce stains. (Ahh remember the great lasagna lobbing of 2012).

3) Don’t bother fighting your baby to have control of the spoon. You have more chance of getting your pre baby boobs back. Do use two spoons, that way you can trick them and feed them inbetween them gagging themselves with the wrong end of the spoon.

4) The healthier the food the more it stains. Tomato based foods become your enemy. You will have an oompa loompa of a baby after a nutritious meal. Just feed them yoghurts. It blends with the paleness of their skin. *yeah but don’t*

5) Don’t use baby wipes to clean them up, unless you are happy using a whole pack. Just stick them outside and powerhose them. That or a nice warm bath.

6) Buy a dog. Best kind of hoover out there.

If you stick to these rules, well it is still gross but at least you won’t end every meal wanting to crawl into the dog basket and weep,

Ali x

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